Kicking Alcohol To the Curb: What I Don’t Miss

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad. Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had.

Sober – Pink

I won’t speak for others, but I know that many times, I have caught myself fanaticizing and romanticizing the days when I was drinking. It’s a dangerous head space to be in and it can cause some pretty manipulative thoughts. I also have a tendency to compare my drinking to others and therefore can justify how my drinking really wasn’t that bad. But you know what? It was bad enough that I was searching out sobriety blogs, podcasts, and forums. It was bad enough that I was watching “how to get sober” YouTube videos while drunk. Bottom line: People who don’t have a problem, don’t think about sobriety. When I am struggling, it helps me to write down a list of what I don’t miss from when I was drinking. So, here it is in no particular order….I don’t miss:

  • HANGOVERS!!! Even minor ones! Specifically, the feelings of dehydration and nausea
  • Emotional breakdowns and having a rollercoaster ride of emotions over a single night
  • The jealousy, anxiety, sadness, anger, feelings of being judged, the lack of empathy towards others, etc.
  • Severe panic attacks bordering on psychotic breaks
  • Unable to handle the PTSD feelings I had in general, that worsened with drinking, especially when trying to be with my boyfriend
  • Tossing, turning, interrupted sleep
  • Not caring about what I ate
  • Cancelling appointments because I’m too hungover or worse, having to go to school/work/appointments hungover
  • Jealous feelings over sharing alcohol
  • Unnecessary drama/arguments
  • Self-sabotaging behavior specifically targeted towards my relationship
  • Going home with people I didn’t know/barely know
  • Promiscuous or overly flirtatious behavior
  • Blackouts!!!
  • Only having three options when it comes to transportation: Paying for an Uber/Cab, relying on someone else (sober or not), or driving drunk myself and being paranoid about getting pulled over.
  • The foggy and forgetful feeling when trying to hold a conversation with someone
  • Having conversations that were filled with gossip and shallow thoughts
  • The feelings of guilt and shame waking up the next day and knowing I drank more than I intended to
  • Engaging in self harm or threatening suicide
  • Negative, self-loathing self talk while looking at myself drunk in the mirror
  • Having to automatically apologize the next morning just in case I said something or did something stupid or had an emotional breakdown that ruined the night
  • The denial! Oh, the denial!
  • Literally just wasting time drinking
  • The gossip that results from drinking
  • The lying!!!!!! (I lied about everything, anything, most things, things that didn’t matter, things that had nothing to do with drinking, things that did have to do with drinking, etc.)
  • Not having any self esteem/self respect; feeling insecure – craving attention
  • The selfishness. I would get incredibly upset if something or someone got in the way of me drinking. I didn’t care if I was the only one in the room drinking but damn it, if I wanted a drink, I was going to have one and no one better stop me.

It’s important to have a list of things that you don’t miss, especially when you are struggling, because I guarantee you it will heavily outweight anything that your mind tries to trick you into thinking you do miss.

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