When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad. Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had.
Sober – Pink
I won’t speak for others, but I know that many times, I have caught myself fanaticizing and romanticizing the days when I was drinking. It’s a dangerous head space to be in and it can cause some pretty manipulative thoughts. I also have a tendency to compare my drinking to others and therefore can justify how my drinking really wasn’t that bad. But you know what? It was bad enough that I was searching out sobriety blogs, podcasts, and forums. It was bad enough that I was watching “how to get sober” YouTube videos while drunk. Bottom line: People who don’t have a problem, don’t think about sobriety. When I am struggling, it helps me to write down a list of what I don’t miss from when I was drinking. So, here it is in no particular order….I don’t miss:
- HANGOVERS!!! Even minor ones! Specifically, the feelings of dehydration and nausea
- Emotional breakdowns and having a rollercoaster ride of emotions over a single night
- The jealousy, anxiety, sadness, anger, feelings of being judged, the lack of empathy towards others, etc.
- Severe panic attacks bordering on psychotic breaks
- Unable to handle the PTSD feelings I had in general, that worsened with drinking, especially when trying to be with my boyfriend
- Tossing, turning, interrupted sleep
- Not caring about what I ate
- Cancelling appointments because I’m too hungover or worse, having to go to school/work/appointments hungover
- Jealous feelings over sharing alcohol
- DRUNK CALLING PEOPLE
- Unnecessary drama/arguments
- Self-sabotaging behavior specifically targeted towards my relationship
- Going home with people I didn’t know/barely know
- Promiscuous or overly flirtatious behavior
- Blackouts!!!
- Only having three options when it comes to transportation: Paying for an Uber/Cab, relying on someone else (sober or not), or driving drunk myself and being paranoid about getting pulled over.
- The foggy and forgetful feeling when trying to hold a conversation with someone
- Having conversations that were filled with gossip and shallow thoughts
- The feelings of guilt and shame waking up the next day and knowing I drank more than I intended to
- Engaging in self harm or threatening suicide
- Negative, self-loathing self talk while looking at myself drunk in the mirror
- Having to automatically apologize the next morning just in case I said something or did something stupid or had an emotional breakdown that ruined the night
- The denial! Oh, the denial!
- Literally just wasting time drinking
- The gossip that results from drinking
- The lying!!!!!! (I lied about everything, anything, most things, things that didn’t matter, things that had nothing to do with drinking, things that did have to do with drinking, etc.)
- Not having any self esteem/self respect; feeling insecure – craving attention
- The selfishness. I would get incredibly upset if something or someone got in the way of me drinking. I didn’t care if I was the only one in the room drinking but damn it, if I wanted a drink, I was going to have one and no one better stop me.
It’s important to have a list of things that you don’t miss, especially when you are struggling, because I guarantee you it will heavily outweight anything that your mind tries to trick you into thinking you do miss.
Be Sober, Be Happy! 