You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser. You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calmYou Gotta Be – Des’ree
You gotta stay together. All I know, all I know, love will save the day.
My personality psychology professor in college wisely said “There are times in life when you just have to say Fuck It!” I have applied that philosophy to a lot of aspects in my life, whether it’s because life hasn’t worked out the way I wanted or there’s something I was hesitant or nervous to do. It’s a wonderful way to live; it allows for flexibility, change, courage, new opportunities, and new adventures. But there’s one aspect of my life that I have removed this philosophy from – drinking.
I used to say “Fuck it!” when taking a shot I didn’t really want because let’s party, why not? I used to say “Fuck it!” when making decisions drunk that most definitely put me in dangerous situations because I wanted to have fun! When I relapsed, I said “Fuck it” and abandoned my progress in sobriety.
There are times now when I feel like saying “fuck it”. It’s been a great run but I’m done now; I’m over it. Wait. Why? What is that I’m looking for? What is it that I need? What am I searching for? What can drinking give me that sobriety can’t? I think about this feeling a lot and I realize it has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with motivation. Sobriety is fucking hard. The “fuck it” feeling means that I’m getting tired of putting in the hard work and I need to find that motivation within myself again. When I say “fuck it”, I essentially say “I give up. This is too hard and I just want to take the easy way out.”
Unfortunately, life isn’t easy – sober or not. Life isn’t always magical and awe inspiring. There are days that are dull, mundane, and boring. Drinking won’t change any of that. What drinking will do is turn stress into anxiety, bordem into drama, and make the hard times near impossible to handle. The wonderful thing about being sober is that I don’t have to voluntarily make my life any more difficult than it’s is on its own.
I am bored sometimes and I also have peace in my life. I am temporarily stressed out and working through it rather than constantly anxiety ridden and avoiding a situation. I am sad and mourn, not depressed and repressing my feelings which only causes more harm. I am happy and clear headed rather than hungover and grumpy. I say “Man! That was an awesome time” instead of “It must have been a fun time because I don’t remember it” Is is ever really fun if you can’t remember it?? I make new memories instead of trying to erase old ones. I said it before and I will say it again, living sober is living free and it’s a beautiful way to live.