No More Small Talk.

Tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel. Give her every reason to accept that you’re for real. Tell her about it. Tell her all your crazy dreams. Let her know you need her. Let her know how much she means. Listen boy, it’s not automatically a certain guarantee. To insure yourself, you’ve got to provide communication constantly.

Tell Her About It – Billy Joel

I’ve been having some pretty intense acupuncture treatments within the past couple of weeks that focus on one of the 8 extraordinary vessels, the Ren Mai/Conception Vessel (the second vessel to form when a baby is in utero). To put it simply, these treatments are accessing the most yin energy within me and nourishing me on a constitutional level; as my acupuncturist Rose says “this is going to touch the blueprint of who you are”. There are a total of three treatments, each a week or so apart. I’ve had two so far and let me tell you…there has been a significant shift already. I feel like I am on the precipice of something extraordinary. The other awesome part of this treatment is how it integrates within my body, mind, spirit (bms) and because it can take a while for the bms to process everything, significantly positive changes can occur for several months after the final treatment.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I am continuously amazed by my journey through acupuncture school and the acupuncture treatments I’ve been receiving to balance and heal my body, mind, spirit has been unlike any other. My schooling is not just four years of education; it is a lifestyle and one that is truly life-altering. All of the new students are told on their first day, “by the time you graduate this program, you will be a different person than you are today”. And that is not a lie, my friend. You want to understand true body, mind, spirit transformation? Come to acupuncture school! I’m barely half way through and I feel I’ve already been 8 different people! Acupuncture coupled with my sobriety, and the amount of transformation that has and will continue to occur is mind-blowing. After all, acupuncture school was one of my main motivators for getting sober. I continue to grow, discover, and learn more about myself each time I have an acupuncture treatment.

While the point of this post is not to be an advertisement for acupuncture school, I have to say that after treatment, I become incredibly inspired and many of my blog posts about sobriety come to me after I’ve had a treatment! And I’m telling you now, this is one of them. This blog post (finally we are getting to the point!) is one that will elaborate on a post I wrote a while back discussing honesty (Let’s Be Honest, The Little Girl Lies). In that post, I discussed the importance of being honest, but I realized what I didn’t mention is that honesty means nothing unless there is active communication. And I mean deep communication, no more small talk.

I cannot emphasize how important communication is for a relationship, for a friendship, for a work environment, and for life. It’s a realization that I come to again and again. My happiness in life is greatly affected by how effective my communication is with others, especially with Josh. Needs won’t be met, feelings won’t be acknowledged, resentments will build and voices won’t be heard otherwise. And for me, communication isn’t worth anything unless I am vulnerable, open, clear, honest, and a little courageous. Let’s face it, some topics are plain difficult to discuss. With regard to my relationship, there are times I don’t communicate my needs, wants, or feelings for fear of being judged, or for fear that Josh will think I am unhappy, or that I won’t be able to accurately articulate what it is I am trying to say. And this is where the courageousness and vulnerability comes into play.

It is quite possible that any or all of my fears will come true when communicating with Josh. But, how many times have I mentioned we can’t let fear stop us from choosing happiness, from becoming better versions ourselves, and from making changes to better our lives? And even if those fears come true, guess what? We can talk even more about it. This is where openness, honesty, and clarity show up. On the other side, maybe none of those outcomes occur. Maybe, instead, Josh is feeling the same way, or maybe it opens up possibility and opportunity for our relationship to grow, and maybe it sparks a level of connection that would otherwise be missed because of a lack of communication.

All I know is I can’t stifle how I am feeling because of fear. Communicating my needs, wants, and feelings means that I am taking a stance. I am doing what I need to be happy, I am taking care of myself, and hopefully, I help generate even more happiness in my relationship with Josh and with others. In the same breath, I want the other person I am communicating with to feel the same way because everything I just wrote applies to everyone! Especially in romantic relationships, what one person does or says affects the other person – it’s all about understanding and a continuous flow of giving and receiving, none of which is possible without communication. The point is, we will never know unless we try.

So, I guess now is as good a time as any for me to stop typing and start talking…

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